where to we choose to be?

Sitting at Jesus' feet...is this where I choose to be? It is the desire of my heart but I don't always choose to be still at His feet and listen as Mary of Bethany did. I recently completed Jennifer Kennedy Dean's Secrets Jesus Shared and one of the many things I learned follows.

Rabbis such as Jesus had crowds of people that would come and listen to them speak. Some in this crowd would travel with the rabbi from home to home and even city to city. But the individuals in the large crowd did not commit their lives to the rabbi. They filtered in and out of the crowd following the rabbi as it was suitable or convenient to their lives. There were, however, a smaller number of men that stayed close to the rabbi. These men devoted their lives to their rabbi. They never left him. He became more important than family. He was first. The Talmud taught that if you have to choose between father and rabbi - rabbi is first. The smaller group heard his inner most thoughts and ideas, learned his mannerisms and way of life. They memorized his words. They wanted to be like him, so they remained close to him.
What do I want from my life with Jesus? What do you want? Do we move in and out of our time with Him as it fits our schedules or do we want to be there when He confides His inner thoughts (Psalm 25:14) and reveals the deep and hidden things (Daniel 2:22)? It's all good. The larger group heard Jesus, learned from Him, were healed by Him and some (many even) had lives that were forever changed by His love and the truth He taught but does it compare to the intimacy the twelve had? Is filtering in and out really the best He has for us? Are we settling for something less than what He wants for us?

I want intimacy. When I am seeking the intimacy and making time for Him, I feel complete. When I am drifting in and out, something is missing. Life isn't necessarily bad but fulfillment and satisfaction aren't lasting. This is why I say something is missing. At the end of the day, I'm not entirely pleased with the day. Intimacy with Jesus and a rightness in our relationship brings true and lasting fulfillment and peace.

So friend, where do you want to be, the crowd or the inner circle?